Something happened to me this week that made me think. If it had only happened once I might have written it off. But it happened twice within a week and that made me think it was maybe something I needed to look at a bit more closely. Maybe just venting it into cyberspace will give me some clarity. Or maybe not. Anyway, here's the stupid thing I did twice.

The other day I was in the mall, which is a rarity for me but that's not the point. The point is I saw an old friend. I haven't seen her in a long time because, long story short, I did something awful to her, she said she never wanted to see me again, and I've tried to respect that because frankly I wouldn't want to see me either if I were her. Still in the two years or so since I've seen her I've imagined a scenario in which we bump into each other unexpectedly, I offer a heartfelt apology which, along with the time that has passed, allows us to become friends again.

In seemingly unrelated news, my best friend through most of middle school and all of high school ended up becoming my first roommate. We had a good run for a while but eventually our personalities began to clash, words were exchanged, and I moved out and haven't seen him since. I've since come to realize that just because we weren't good roommates doesn't mean we weren't good friends and I've lost count of the number of times I've rehearsed burying the hatchet with him in my head. The other night I saw him at a graduation I was attending.

So what did I do when finally faced with these chances to mend some fences?

I hid.

I slunk away from any possible resolution and tried my best to blend in with the crowd and avoid any confrontation. My point is this. As someone who wants to teach others how to learn from the past, why do I keep running away from my own?

Podcast Experiment

so now what do I do?

Just saw Avatar. Loved it. Changes things. But not really. 3d might be the next big thing. The story is an old one. Inspired me to write this. Inspired me to yak halfway home about how conflicted I am. I am inspired to help save some indigenous tribe but I don't have the resources. After the third eloquent re-stating of my point, my partner asks me to kindly drive in silence, she was tired of hearing me whine. [not her exact words] I am also tired of hearing me whine. When will I get off my ass and act? Do you have a tribe I can save with my leatherman multitool?

Goodnight Bob

Could be a euphemism there.

So here is an anecdote, honk if you give a fuck.

I go to pick up my wife, we are going out for dinner. As I am sitting on the lobby of her large office building, a lady walks out, and on the way past me she says "Goodnight Bob." I nod and smile, not recognizing her. Then another lady goes by who I DO recognize. I say "Hi", and she says "Goodnight Bob." Two more leave. Another person I don't know says "Goodnight Bob." I wave weakly. Another "Goodnight Bob." A couple more. I am confused. I recognized one person but about thirty people leave and about twenty of them say "Goodnight Bob."

Finally my wife comes out. We greet and hug and I ask her "Did you tell like your whole floor that we were having dinner together?"

She goes "No, maybe two people."

I don't get it. I put on my coat. We get to the door and my wife turns to the security guy at the desk and says "Goodnight Bob."

So there are a number of people who work there wondering why this vagrant was sitting at the lobby looking confused and waving at them.

cars behaving badly

I find it interesting [whether you do or not] that people act different around me when I am in different cars. Yes maybe I am over thinking it. Maybe I have different expectations of THEM and then find ways to support my belief. But hey.

I drive to work the same way every day. Getting on the highway requires a weird merge to the right, then a right onto an onramp. The merge and the ramp are close enough that I just leave my right blinker on for both maneuvers. Nobody has ever had a problem with this, done it 5 days a week, 51 weeks a year, couple a years now. But now, now I am in a 10 year old cadillac. One day last week, this guy is on my bumper following my out of town. I blink as always. Stay blinking. But then he darts up under me on the right and gets all surprised when our mirrors are almost touching and he gets brushed up near the guard rail. Yanks on his brakes, beeps. You know. I have mostly out grown the stink finger salute. Didn't throw one this time. By the time I am through the onramp, I am over it. I am thinking maybe he is actually in a hurry, maybe he is a doctor or his cat is sick or something. But no. We get straightened out on the highway and of course he guns it out left around me. Then he feels he has to make a point. He slows way down right in front of me and puts on his right blinker and wanders across the dotted white line for a while. He sure showed me. So now we are both 11 seconds late for wherever.

I am guessing here, but maybe when I did the same right blinky thing in other cars, people just took my word for it when my blinker was on. Now that I am in an old-guy looking car, they expect me to act old and decrepit. The old cliche about leaving the blinker on since florida. I'm just saying.

A dream scene that should be in a movie.

Scene opens on a green woodsy place and a little gypsy caravan. Day glow colors in dark woods. Tiny top heavy wagon outside, big live-in kitchen inside. A dozen odd half prepared circus people are mingling or eating but mostly scoffing skeptically at the ringmaster. He is sharing the news of a new performer, a new act for the circus that will really change things. Not just more people thru the gate, but better gigs. She has connections, she knows a guy.

Cut to a hospital bathroom. A dwarf is putting finishing touches on his clown make up. Grubby dirty frayed costume. Emmet Kelly -ish. He grabs the doorknob leaning way back hanging off it, then lunges against the door, popping it open so fast it knocks down a patient. Midget clown struts and swaggers away. Walks faster. Throws hands in air, skips to get going and starts running. Leaps, bounds off the leg cast of a person in a wheelchair, onto a gurney with a dying patient being pushed by three big orderlies. Uses that speed. Leaps off to the side and grabs a light, the kind used over a surgical bed. Swings from the handles around, changing direction to blast out a window.

Not far thru the air to land on a bound girl. She is hanging from a thin wire by her ankles in shackles dangling upside down. Clown grabs onto her with all limbs, like a monkey. Laboriously shuffles around and turns over so they are face to face.

“Tell me the source!” the clown shouts. He has to shout. The girl has been screaming a while. She resists. Clown slaps her to get her to stop screaming and pay attention. She won't talk.

“Gentlemen. Please.” He gestures. Two henchman swing in from the sides, also hanging by their feet. “You look like you want to be right side up. Should we do that?”

She nods, looking apprehensive, not expecting anything nice. Each henchman grabs half of her long hair as they swing back out a little. She initially screams, but then realizes it does not hurt all that much.

“You expect me to talk? This is not torture.” She sneers.

“No. This is not torture.” The clown pauses. He bites a button off her blouse, then sticks his tongue out, displaying and wiggling the button and leers at her. She just rolls her eyes. He takes the button daintily between middle finger and thumb. “Let me clarify.” He snaps his fingers, flicking the button and it nicks the wire holding her feet. They lurch downward a little. Now she is screaming again. Clown grins and snaps his teeth at her. The rest of the wire unravels and snaps and they tumble a bit. Wind up hanging from her hair. More screaming, changing to a screech as her hair takes the weight of them both.

“Now this! This is torture.” Clown is pleased with his wit.

“You need a haircut, I think.” Clown pulls an old school switchblade, shaves a bit above her temple. “Tell me where your guy gets his money, or of course you will lose more than just your nice hair.” Now she talks.

“I already knew that, that's not the main source. Your boyfriend apparently didn't let you in on his big connections. The big BIG fish. Tell me more. You need to tell me, more than you need to protect him right now, yes?” Clown nods. She nods. She tells everything.

Again the clown says “I already knew that! Such a waste of time”.

Clown tosses the blade upwards, looks like he is discarding it. It flicks through her hair on one side, and gravity has it now. Comes back and flicks through the other hank of hair as the clown plants his feet in her gut and launches off her. She hits the side of the building and scrapes, breaking a limb or two against a window sill, tumbling out of sight.

He is in freefall now. Arms and legs out, spread eagle. Grungy clown suit flapping in the gale. He looks around getting his bearings. Picks a direction, turns and pulls in his limbs, heading down fast. The wind is streaking his makeup, from some of the girl's spittle and tears. He calmly kicks off his shoes like he is getting ready for a shower. A series of close in shots show sleeves and things flapping then ripping and falling away. From a distance we see him plunge into a cloud bank. [you didn't really want to see a naked midget clown close up did you?]

Close in shots again. Moisture, then ice collecting on skin. A shoulder? A storm has him now, a vortex. Spun and then spit out sideways. Medium shot now we see a long voluptuous woman, clad only in glitter. We see her just for a glimpse and she darts into plump green trees. Close in shots again as a leaf plasters a nipple. A few more large soft green leaves slap and stick to strategic places on a generous shapely figure. A vine tangles around waist, knees, ankles. Some glitter from dew and fireflies are adding to the glamorous sheath. You get the impression now, she is flying, no longer falling.

She soars and swoops. Heads straight up above the tree line. At her peak we get a good look at her. She is a mermaid. Tail longer than her whole body. It coils in the air as she chooses a new direction. Looking about she spies the gypsy camp.

Flies that way. Darts down into the camp area, startling some horses. Aims for the little wagon. Pops thru a window. People lean away and cover their heads with their arms. Breaking glass and sudden entry making them cringe. She flutters across the long table and lands in the arms of the ringmaster, her tail coiling across somebody's plate, and the end flopped around a girl's neck.

Ringmaster stumbles from the unexpected catch. Burns his leg a little on the cook stove. Recovers himself and says “OK, we gotta work on your entrance.”

quotes to save

My wife thinks I am witty. I think I am just lucky to have her. Here some quotes originated by me that she thinks are interesting enough to be preserved. This will be updated if I actually get witty.

I was almost as hammered as him, but I had style.

You are right, but right now I am anxious and that takes priority. [while driving and botching directions.]

I don't think I know anybody under 200 pounds. I don't even LIKE anybody under 200 pounds. [after noticing a warning label an a chair]

If it's not hickory smoked, it's just meat.

Crack gnats!

Bride: What if I lost a few pounds and grew a little teacup butt?

Me: I'd still love you.