Something happened to me this week that made me think. If it had only happened once I might have written it off. But it happened twice within a week and that made me think it was maybe something I needed to look at a bit more closely. Maybe just venting it into cyberspace will give me some clarity. Or maybe not. Anyway, here's the stupid thing I did twice.

The other day I was in the mall, which is a rarity for me but that's not the point. The point is I saw an old friend. I haven't seen her in a long time because, long story short, I did something awful to her, she said she never wanted to see me again, and I've tried to respect that because frankly I wouldn't want to see me either if I were her. Still in the two years or so since I've seen her I've imagined a scenario in which we bump into each other unexpectedly, I offer a heartfelt apology which, along with the time that has passed, allows us to become friends again.

In seemingly unrelated news, my best friend through most of middle school and all of high school ended up becoming my first roommate. We had a good run for a while but eventually our personalities began to clash, words were exchanged, and I moved out and haven't seen him since. I've since come to realize that just because we weren't good roommates doesn't mean we weren't good friends and I've lost count of the number of times I've rehearsed burying the hatchet with him in my head. The other night I saw him at a graduation I was attending.

So what did I do when finally faced with these chances to mend some fences?

I hid.

I slunk away from any possible resolution and tried my best to blend in with the crowd and avoid any confrontation. My point is this. As someone who wants to teach others how to learn from the past, why do I keep running away from my own?