"Language" people! Listen to yourselves.

Where did language come from?  I have some theories from people I respect and some of my own.  Read anything by Steven Pinker, it will make you smarter.

One good way to get attention is to clear your throat.  This is partly because a blocked airway means you are in trouble, and people who like you will want to help you.  Others may want to get out of the way if you are going to spew anything infectious.  Many animals feed their young by gorging near the kill and when they get to where the young are they hork.  If this is not the trend in your neighborhood, hey don't knock it until you've tried it.  Nutrients are where you find them.  [car seat crevice / extra crispy french fry post is for another day]  So anyway, this distinctive sound just cannot be ignored.

A young and therefore small mammal has a smaller ribcage / vocal tract.  The sounds it makes are necessarily higher in pitch than when it is older / larger.  A bigger animal sounds more threatening in general.  Why?  I'll tell you why.  From experience or instinct, our little minds just know that a bigger animal is stronger and can cause more damage.

Watch [ok listen to] people who know dogs.  When you want a dog to sit, the command is given in a low loud tone.  If you want him to come in the kitchen for dinner you speak in a high happy tone.  

Most mammals, maybe most vertebrates do this.  "I am gonna kick your ass."  Is delivered in as low a voice as possible and in a descending pitch.  "Are you gonna feed me?" is asked in a high voice with a rising inflection.  [as are most questions]  This one way we can tell if an utterance is an order or a request. 

These are some of the roots of language I think.  Along with a brain that can learn and reproduce patterns and create new ones.  Special shapes of tongue teeth and lips are needed, but hey evolution and gravity just work, ok? 

Now we can also fake this.  If you want to sound butch or harmless, you lower or raise your pitch.  This is why I cannot take keanu reeves seriously.  He always sounds to me like he is trying too hard to lower his voice and pretend he is his dad.

SPEAKING OF DAD:

Let's just say you are about seven years old.  You and your family just got home from a camping trip.  It was a new uncomfortable environment and you are really tired and vulnerable but you are home now.  You turn back the sheets of your bed getting ready for serious comfort and safety, but wait!  You see a spider in your bed!  You are startled and you screech because you are a small mammal.  Perhaps your step father has not read any Steven Pinker or this post.  [ok it was written 35 years after these events, wha-ever]  It is of course a very high pitched screech.  Now maybe YOUR dad would understand and work around it.  You are a kid who should not be bullied or insulted by adults.  But my dad... well I don't even remember clearly what he said or did but I was made to feel worse about screeching.  Because it sounded girly.  

OK...  the science part of this blog post again.  Girls are smaller than boys.  Generally.  Less upper body strength, smaller rib cage, higher voices.  Look at anime.  I don't speak Japanese, but call a random phone in china or japan ten times.  Receptionists and waitresses there speak in extremely high pitch.  Tradition.  It is just good customer service.  [disclaimer: I have never been anywhere Asian.  guys talk, you hear things.]  

OK I think I kept the whining to a minimum.  Are you smarter now?